How Did You Feel

Well its taken years to tell anyone how l feel so when l listen with my ❤️ to anyone l give time for people to tell me anything in their own time as in any case l am not as important as they are this is their life and suffering not mine 🕊️

So for the first time ever let me tell you about being a ‘ Man Abuse By A Woman ‘ who l forgive for all she did to me during the 11yrs it took to help her and one day realized she could not be helped anymore 🕊️

Anyway it all began whilst working at the same office and we met and l took her out for what was called a date – and it was only then later l found out she had ditched her boyfriend and went out with me that night and as l now know – alarm bells should have been ringing but l wore my ❤️ on the sleeve kinda guy and believed everyone was like me – it would take many years to know they are not – anyway here’s my story 😔

We dated for a short-while and eventually began living together as we got on quite well – not as l was to find as well as l first thought – firstly may l say that even though l was abused she had suffered – not knowing her father and even though it does not justify her actions it does help people reading this to understand it is both Man & Woman who abused by circumstances in his or her life 🕊️

Anyway soon after we moved in together abuse began by what l now call ‘ Intimidation ‘ and making me feel l was always in the wrong and she never was and this increased as she took control of my life eroding me – l will repeat Me – when anyone does that to someone else You disappear from view and as a person do not ‘ Exist ‘ anymore as you ‘ Do Not Matter ‘ 😔

This abuse involved – her saying you are causing me to be like this and you take no blame l took total blame for her being like she was and every time l ‘ Forgave Her ‘ for everything and all she did and just a few and more maybe later l will mention here to maybe help people in their future not to ‘ Blame Themselves ‘ 😔

The worst was when she would regularly threaten me with a ‘ Carving Knife ‘ to the neck and neck other parts of my body below the waist – laughing and threatening to cut them off – at the time l did not react just took the ‘ Verbal Abuse ‘ believing l deserved it and then she would say you ‘ Do Not Love Me Anymore ‘ and would apologize and in some cases go to the ‘ Bathroom ‘ and threatened to ‘ Commit Suicide ‘ and l would remove the door and get in and she would just ‘ Laugh ‘ and say that scared you – another argument and calm until next time 🕊️

But still the same more threats – lies, and spending of all of my money and keeping hers for herself that got worst l paid everything and bought everything and she would use every penny she earned saying that mine if l ever asked 🕊️

When we went out she drank – l drove and had no alcohol and before we left she ‘ Told Me ‘ what to say – Do not say that or this about our relationship when we are out with my brother and his girlfriend and of course l was so confused and spoke out of turn – dreading getting home and more verbal abuse – she would glare at me and l knew – got home more drink and more threats with a ‘ Knife ‘ and blame lies with me – Never her 🕊️

This is the part of my story and the part that l titled – ‘ How Did I Feel ‘ well that did not matter and it was only years later l was able to even say anything about ‘ How l Felt ‘ as the ‘ Pain Hid It In Me ‘ and God brought me to someone who would ‘ Love Me For I Am ‘ and with Kindness & Love XX ❤️❤️ helped me to see l am worthwhile and not at fault for who she was and who she may still be – So Today l 🙏🙏 for her today to get the same ‘ Help & Guidance ‘ l have been given – More soon

AMEN 🙏