Realizing Our Pain

Some people seem called to help others, often from early on in their childhoods, responding to the needs of family members, strangers, or animals with a selflessness that is impressive. While these people can appear to have very few needs of their own and focus on rescuing, helping, and healing others, few people are truly able to sustain this completely giving lifestyle. The vast majority has needs that lie beneath the surface, unmet. In these cases, their motivation to help others may be in service to a deep desire to heal a wounded part of themselves for the kind of love and attention they give to those around them daily. For any number of reasons, they are unable to give themselves the love they need, so they give it to others. This does not mean that they are not meant to be helping others, but it does mean that they would do well to turn some of that helping energy within.

One problem with the constant caregiver is that the individual can get stuck in the role, always living in crisis mode at the expense of inner peace and personal growth. Until the person resolves their own inner dramas, they play them out in their relationships with others, drawn to those who need them and often unable to acknowledge their own needs or get them met. In the worst-case scenario, they enable the other person’s dilemma by not knowing when to stop playing the rescuer and allow the person to figure it out on their own. However, if the rescuer finds the strength to turn within and face their own needs, they can become a model of empowerment and a true source of healing in the world.

Some signs that you or someone you love may need to rescue the rescuer within are inner burnout from over giving, underlying resentment, an inability to admit to having needs of one’s own, and an unwillingness to be vulnerable. Help comes when we allow ourselves to admit we need it, acknowledging our humanity and our wholeness by acknowledging our pain. The understanding we gain in the process will naturally inform and inspire our ability to help those in need to do the same.