” Beauclare” ~ Queen Matilda

Queen Matilda – Marriott Edgar Henry the first, surnamed ” Beauclare,”

Lost his only son William at sea,

So when Henry died it was hard to decide

Who his heir and successor should be.

There were two runners-up for the title

His daughter Matilda was one,

And the other, was a boy, known as Stephen of Blois, His young sister Adela’s son.

Matilda by right should have had it,

Being the daughter of him as were dead,

But the folks weren’t keen upon having a queen,

So they went and crowned Stephen instead.

This ‘ere were a knockout for Tilda,

The notion she could not absorb

To lose at one blow both the crown and the throne,

To say naught of the sceptre and orb.

So she summoned her friends in the

West Country From Bristol, Bath, Gloucester and Frome,

And also a lot of relations from Scotland,

Who’d come South and wouldn’t go home?

The East Counties rallied round Stephen,

Where his cause had the support of the masses,

And his promise of loot brought a lot of recruits

From the more intellectual classes.

The Country was split into two parties

In a manner you’d hardly believe,

The West with a will shouted: “Up with Matilda !”

The East hollered: Come along, Steve!

The two armies met up in Yorkshire,

Both leaders had the same tactics tried.

To each soldier they gave a big standard to wave,

In hopes, they’d impress that other side.

It was known as the battle o’t Standard,

Though no battling anyone saw,

For, with flags in their right hands, the lads couldn’t fight,

And the referee called it a draw.

The next time they met was at Lincoln,

Where Stephen was properly beaten,

At the end of the scrap he was led off a captive,

With iron balls chained to his feet.

They took him in triumph to Tilda,

Who, assuming an arrogant mien,

Snatched the Crown off his head and indignantly said “Take you ‘at off in front of your Queen!”

So Stephen was put in a dungeon,

While Tilda ascended the throne

And reigned undisturbed for the best part of a year,

Till she looked on the job as her own.

But Stephen wasn’t beat by long chalk

His plans for escape he soon made,

For he found Tilda’s troops were all getting fed up,

Having heard that they wouldn’t be paid.

So when Tilda got snowed up at Oxford,

Where she’d taken to staying of late,

She woke one fine morn, to the sound of a horn,

And found Stephen outside her front gate.

Her troops gone, her castle surrounded,

She saw she hadn’t a chance,

So, the ground is white, she escaped in her nightie

And caught the next packet for France.

She didn’t do badly at the finish,

When everything’s weighed up and reckoned

For when Stephen was gone the next heir to the throne

Were Matilda’s son, Henry the second.

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