What to do if your child tells you that they have been abused…
A MUST read for all parents and carers !

We get a lot of messages from people who have recently learned that a child close to them has been, or is being, abused.

Those first few conversations with a child who opens up to us can be critical, especially the initial one. Many people feel absolute horror when a child discloses abuse to them, and that is normal, especially because the child is usually someone close to us and the abuser is often someone we know, or even love.

If you ever have been in a position where you told someone about being abused yourself, whether you were a child or an adult at the time, try to remember what helped or didn’t help you about their reactions.

There are a few main points to remember when you are faced with a child trusting you with information about their abuse.

• Try to remain calm, at least outwardly. A panicked or angry reaction could make the child close up again.
• Make sure that nothing you say or do makes the child feel that the abuse was their fault, reassure them that they have done nothing wrong and that they didn’t in any way ‘deserve’ the abuse.
• Tell the child that you believe them and that you are glad they had the courage to tell you.
• Be comforting, tell the child that you will help them.
• Do everything you can to ensure the safety of both the child and yourself.
• Be understanding of the fact that the child may not know the correct terms for things like body parts or specific acts. Don’t try to correct their language or terms.
• As soon as possible report what the child has told you to the relevant authorities.
• Don’t push the child for more information or make any suggestions about what happened.
• Don’t act shocked, disgusted or doubtful.
• Don’t use words that may frighten the child such as rape, child abuse or jail.
• Don’t confront the abuser, letting them know that the child has said anything could place the child at extreme risk of harm and could also jeopardise any legal action.
• Don’t make comments or posts to social media about what you have been told – again this could place the child at further risk and jeopardise legal proceedings.
• If at all possible, try to ensure that a trusted person or advocate will be with the child when they have to make their statement to police or other authorities.

A child may only ever tell one person about what has happened to them, if you are that one person that they trust enough to tell, do your very best to support and protect them. Too many cases go unheard because a child was not believed or their disclosure was handled badly. (GE)

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