What will You Be

When l was young l thought as a child l was just 30 yrs of age at the time but had just gone through such as l can only call ‘ Hell on Earth ‘ and was having like so many today are suffering for which l 🙏🙏 daily for all those in need

The change began to take place in my ❤️❤️ l had waited since l was 14 yrs of age l had already 🙏🙏 and asked for someone to ‘ Love Me For I Am ‘ not realising at this still tender age of 30 as a child it was already happened since then and l was being prepared for what was to come next

That next was a shock my ‘ Dad Died ‘ and l was not there l was working earning money – boy did l feel and have such guilt in me and thought ‘ How Can God Love Me ‘ yes people l said that so many times and had to make up for being a ‘ Failure ‘ so after l had given time for ‘ Grief ‘ oh no that would take another 14 yrs – thats right l would be 45 before l could even cry – well l was now the ‘ Breadwinner ‘ the man of the ‘ House ‘ l did not feel much like a man and now here l was – my mother was ” Sorry to Say ” selfish and l was to spend many years even until she died – keeping her safe and looking after her – no life but servitude and humility became my greatest gift 🕊️

Anyway it was time to ‘ Pay ‘ and so l worked and worked myself into almost an ‘ Early Grave ‘ every hour God sends people say but this was too much until one night ‘ Panic Attack ‘ after days of just too much ‘ Coffee & Chocolate ‘ lack of ‘ Sleep & No Real Food ‘ and so l was unable to work at all such ‘ Panic & Pain ‘ oh no it was ‘ Guilt ‘ so much like a ‘ Cross I Had To Carry ‘ to ‘ Pay ‘ then as days progressed ‘ Gradually Everything I Had Was Gone ‘ Leaving me Destitute & Alone ‘ houses, cars and even my clothes were taken during this time in my life 🕊️

Still l could not feel ‘ God ‘ Loved Me and so l must deserve all that is happening and must like Jesus (Iesu) suffer for it – time went on and l started to realise having nothing in my name and owning anything was lightening that burden – could not put it down yet but it was getting lighter by the day as l offloaded all that l had found heavy in my mind letting a little light into my life 🕊️

I started to as people say – see light at the end of the tunnel and feel better – many years have past now since that first happened and that 🙏🙏 and realisation that ~God ~ started that plan before l was even born and knew that Question would be asked one day and l would suffer but never once did l say there was not a purpose – You see God had already put that there in me to find one day – only when it was needed and not a second beforehand – Well he is the Word 🕊️

So if you feel abandoned or alone when you have a quiet second in your day or anytime – l say unto you just 🙏🙏 silently in your ❤️❤️ ask God to love you for who you are and like l always say – wait – then one day when you least expect it you like me will feel love in your ❤️❤️ and know that ‘ What Will l Be ‘ has become all that ‘ I Am🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️ ‘

AMEN 🙏